Fuck you eBay seller!

I’ve been looking for a Tales of Destiny for the ps1 for awhile now. It’s part of my Tales collection since I just became a Tales fan and moved away from Final Fantasy. Just recently I bid for the game at eBay… and what I won was the game disk but no manual or original case. If you know me, if I buy a game used from any store… Gamestop, EBgames, eBay, Amazon…it MUST have the game, original case, manual, and game cover. I mean, eBay is cool but when people leave small fonts for the description and misleading pictures…what the fuck!

Last time I bought a used game at Gamestop, Xenosaga for ps2, it came with the original case with those really annoying stickers that say USED 9.99… but the only problem was, it was the BEST SELLER DISK. If you know, ps2 games have a black label for the original release and a red cover and disk for a best seller… I hate my local Gamestop…

So now I’m either stuck having to pay $47 for my own mistake. I just told the seller to fucking give me a strike and maybe I should stop using eBay. I even offered him money so he can RELIST IT…fucking guy from Canada.

-five minutes later-
he just sent me a message in response to me paying him the re list cost of three bucks. I told him to give me his paypal andI'll give him fucking five to fuck off.

here are some lame pictures he posted:

Is it worth the sacrifice?

I’ve always wanted to run back home knowing the impossibility of literally walking step by step. I hated this feeling, of missing home. As I left California so long ago, I thought… this would allow me to start fresh. I would get new friends and the amount of hatred I had back home would disappear. I would feel the same if I left North Carolina. How bad would it be if I just told everyone that I was moving back home? But as I think home as my sacred place, I would have to overcome many obstacles such as, old enemies, trying to catch up with old friends, and most importantly… the possibility of surviving in California.

How would I be able to leave everyone behind again? Of course I would cry because I love all my friends. But to be honest, I’m sick of North Carolina. It’s not like would ever find a female companion, one of my bigger concerns. I’m stuck with no transportation; at least I could take the bus or light rails which are nonexistent in North Carolina. And I’m just sick of all the drama that I cause over here. I’m sick with the people I live with and them having to face my problems. I hate it here so much.

If I return to California, I know that everyone would figure it out, at least the ones who care. My enemies would come back and try to beat me up. Sometimes I feel relieved that I survived 5-6 years without their bitching and threats. How would my old friends see me...? They haven’t seen me for quite awhile. Some have seen me last summer but some haven’t seen me when I left sophomore year. Would everything be the same? Would I be able to pull up a conversation out in the open with them? Would I just be in their way since I’ve been gone for so long? These questions I wish could be answered. If I ever return home, would everything be fine? Would enemies become friends? Would everything be like it was years ago? I continue to be haunted with my past. Raythe and I seem perfectly fine now. I have an admirer back at home. There are more options for me back at home but are those options worth sacrificing my life for? I know living in California cost more and the state isn’t doing too hot. And… would it worth living with my mom or siblings…wouldn’t I be a burden?

Sometimes I wish both of my worlds combined together as one. At times, I see people who look like my old friends from California in North Carolina; I guess I really miss them. I miss everyone back at home. But… am I good where I am now? My friends here mean a lot to me…how would I say goodbye?

The big question is, is it worth sacrificing everything to return home, knowing the chances of survivability are near impossible? Would I die happy if I was at home… I don’t know…

Project Scrapped

Well I wasted my time making this for someone…

Somehow, I was really expecting this…what a fool.
Breaking up and getting back x100 is really stupid.

Project for someone I care about...

Well… even with these strange feelings for another person, I feel like I had to leave my feelings of her behind. I’m not going to be a fool and interrupt her interest in this other guy; he sounds like a good match for her, as she told me everything on the phone the other night. She probably didn’t have a clue about my short feelings for her, but it’s alright. Friday will be strange having dinner with her and two other friends…

I was working on this clay project for someone special but I decided to stop once I figured out that I liked someone else, which I mentioned above. I was always told that making something for someone you like or care about is better than buying something for that person because you are making it with all your heart and soul. While I was making the base of my clay project, I couldn’t help to think about who I was making this for. Tears would run down my face but I couldn’t do much to wipe them away because my hands were covered in clay, as I continued to think of her. The base was as far as I got… The project is a similar craft that I made for Raythe about five years ago (my ceramic skills have changed since then). It was a beach setting with two palm trees and a sun rising up. I wanted to do a similar project because it was one of my unique creations. Raythe has the sun; the other person will have the crescent moon. I actually don’t have any pictures of my old creation and it would be a pain to ask Raythe; I never asked her what she did with things I gave her or made her, knowing my project was good for putting trash change on. But whatever, I might continue working… I’m such a fool for her.

Today is actually the day Raythe and I got together so many years ago. I randomly get images and flashbacks of my past. I try to nap them away but in my dreams, they replay events. I decided to flip through some pictures of us… What a bad idea that was. Endless tears would just drop on my desk… What can I say? I still love her? That sometimes I wish I could be back with her? But I know that’s physically impossible. Happy anniversary that never happened.

//zeron

Such strange feelings

I’ve been in a chain of broken hearts for a long time now and I constantly feel like I’m being stabbed in the heart on purpose. I would just never be with the one that I like… As much as I want it to happen, as others also want to see it happen, it would never happen between us. I try to tell heart that but it would never listen to me. Ignoring everything I have to say but just telling me to wait, knowing if I just wait for her, I would just be hurting myself.

Every time I see her, my hearts starts to pounce. Every time I talk to her, I get nervous. It hurts to see how close we are but knowing we would never have a future together hurts me even more. Am I making the right choice for still having feelings for her? Or should I forget about her and try to move on…

Just recently, I found out that may like someone else, someone rather close to me. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she always brings up these hints; “There is no chemistry between us….You know…we are just buds, he he.” I ask myself, why she would say those kinds of things. Then she told me about some guy that she likes from a place across from work. So I wanted to stop there and not tell her anything.

With these things in mind, I can’t do anything anymore. I sit at home just wondering what I should do. Wait and get hurt? Confess? These endless thoughts hurt my head. I don’t know what to do…