These Lies....

A little boy, at the age of one day old, freshly to come out of his mother's stomach, which we happen to figure out that the mother was an actual dumpster. This is how my life was started; I was always an abandoned child since I was born. Filled with lies…lies…and lies, these lies continued and followed me today, at the age of eighteen. I am unsure whether I am real or not, I am unsure whether these statements from my parents are real or not. I live in the presence of lies. It’s understandable when parents don’t or can’t tell their child is an adopted child, scared that it will affect them. My life changing experience is when I moved to North Carolina, the middle of nowhere, the place where I thought I would have a sense of freedom from the haters back at home, the life changing moment when my ex-girlfriend left me for another man with a sexy car. This painful experience is what we humans have to face. Every bit of pain that I had back in my past is slowly running down my veins and every chill of it is crawling down my spine…look at these invisible scar that run down my body…these scars can’t been seen by any normal person…the only person who can see these is sadly myself.

As I running down the road, screaming the emo song called, “The Kill” by 30 Second to Mars, I can’t help to think about the foolish things I done back in California. This…Christine, that I love…I can’t even talk to anymore. Either I go to jail for loving a fourteen year old…lose my license for speed competition, or end up killing myself due to these lies and anger that I feed off of. I don’t know what to do….Supposedly these so called FBI is watching whatever I am doing, according to valuable source that is. Well if the FBI is really watching me, they sure would be having fun looking at my porn. The parents of this person I love really want me in jail. Christine thinks it’s her fault, but I want to say it’s my fault. I am eighteen, she is fourteen, she has many more years than I have, and I believe my health is slowly declining my body. She claims she faced more pain than I have, but I lived 4.5 more chaos then she has…I am unsure what to do with myself…Should I be wiped away from this hell? Or should I continue to live in this hell till I learn my lesson?

I am a burden to my family…my rank in my family is…”The Terror.” Even though they give me that name, they never meant it, but I took it seriously. I…am Zeron Xepher…The Terror. The burden started when I was born, I am the unwanted one, being the youngest. My hate, anger, frustration is unwanted in my family, and all I cause is chaos. See, if I was never born, my family would never be in a crisis, this crisis eventually became a money issue. I am making my dad poor with my car accident, with every little mistake, there is a big price. The car crash led to six thousand dollars in repair, over one hundred dollars in court fees and lawyer cost and yet my dad thinks I wiped the crash from my mind. Fuck no I didn’t let it slide. I was fucking scared the second I stepped out of my car and that chill still runs down my fucking body. This car crash will probably make my family bankrupt…

Unable to sleep, these thoughts fly through my brain. It’s 3:02am and I’ve been writing for 30 minutes so far and I have to wake up at 5:00am for a Black Belt Boot Camp. I hope it will clear my mind from Christine and other pains that I have, knowing the second my dad have a chance to talk to me, he will lecture me. Yes, her mom called my dad, I was forced to give her my dad’s number, if I didn’t give her it, I wouldn’t be here today.

I don’t know if this is okay but…here’s the conversation…

Zeron: every bit of pain that i had back in my past is slowly running down my vain and every chill of it...down my spine

Zeron: and what we did....i dont know how to deal with it

Zeron: i regret to tell some people about my accident

CHRISTINE: its alright

CHRISTINE: u dont have to talk to me anymore

Zeron: and right now im in a emotional wreck

CHRISTINE: i would understand why

Zeron: no , i still want to talk to you

CHRISTINE: im really sorry

Zeron: you dont have to make things too extreme

Zeron: dont have to be sorry

Zeron: i should be the one that should be sorry

CHRISTINE: seriously sorry

CHRISTINE: its not ur fault

Zeron: of course it is

Zeron: i believe your parents believe that as well

Zeron: i mean i cant say what i did is against the law because it wasnt sex

CHRISTINE: i feel bad

CHRISTINE: = -=

Zeron: dont

CHRISTINE: i dont even understand why u would be still talking to me. im sorry things ended up this way

Zeron: according to valuable scources, FBI is monitering us

Zeron: which i doubt

Zeron: well i would blame it on myself

Zeron: cause i am older

Zeron: you are younger

Zeron: you still have a life ahead of you

Zeron: man...i sound like im 30

Zeron: i just got out of high school, i just barely began my life

Zeron: where you, are just beginning your high school experience

Zeron: high school is the first true chapter of your life

Zeron: where you shape yourself, to get ready to enter this cold harsh world

Zeron: in the end

Zeron: if all ends bad

Zeron: if i end up losing my license

Zeron: or if i continue to be a burden to my family, as the terror of the XXXXXX family

Zeron: and your troubles continue and passes on to me

Zeron: and i end up going to jail

Zeron: i might as well kill myself

Zeron: selfish as it sounds

Zeron: i felt too much pain in 1 or 2 years

Zeron: and yet, i try to find happiness

Zeron: thats where i found you

Zeron: we dont have to do all these nasty shit

Zeron: what i enjoyed most about you is youself

Zeron: your personality

Zeron: you kindness

Zeron: everything about you, disregarding age

Zeron: and according to this "law", it doesnt stop us from liking each other

Zeron: or how strict our asian family is

Zeron: i dont want your parents to think i led you on

Zeron: we never had to do bad stuff

Zeron: i just like being with you

Zeron: being around your aura, makes me happy, just to see that smile on your face

Zeron: laughing together

Zeron: being nerdy together

Zeron: having the same interest, and talking about it

Zeron: see, you respect the things that i do, gundams, games, music, piano, painting

Zeron: where as i had an exgirlfriend who dispise what i loved most, building models

Zeron: even talking about it made her angry

Zeron: where as you, you enjoy looking at my artwork, my master piece

Zeron: so i dont want your parents or family to hate me

Zeron: if they do, so be it

Zeron: and if they pull strings on me

Zeron: that and other problems of mine continues

Zeron: i will not hesitate to commit suicide

Zeron: and i also hear that, committing suicide is "against the law" and the charge is...death...ironic isn’t it?

CHRISTINE: don't die, i love you too much, you'll scar me for life.. dont die

CHRISTINE: <-- crying

Zeron: you dont need to cry

Zeron: the things im saying is for your parents to understand

CHRISTINE: k

Zeron: so show them that

CHRISTINE: i will

Zeron: see, im a good writer by heart

Zeron: the things i say are from my heart

Zeron: and thats all that matters

CHRISTINE: arghh u made me cry

Zeron: dont

Zeron: *huggy*

CHRISTINE: i feel sad

Zeron: im sorry i had to write an essay for you

Zeron: dont feel sad

CHRISTINE: im just curious, u dont have to tell me if you dont want to. but what happened in your past

Zeron: i was born in a trash can, according to my mother

Zeron: i am a burden to my family, says my father

Zeron: my rank in my family is called,"the terror of the XXXXX family"

Zeron: my exgirlfriend left me for someone from her kind who has a sexy car...where i...never had a car until months after

Zeron: which was a sitty one

Zeron: i had to move to north carolina forced to be alone for 3 months at school with no friends

Zeron: every bit of anger i grew, adds up to frustration, hate, and even chaos

Zeron: my mom left my dad

Zeron: my dad was hitting with some chick from vietnam, who is my stepmom today

Zeron: my mom wont support me in ANY way

Zeron: that includes school, cellphone, food, and whatever else you can think of

Zeron: i finacial impacted my family as being the 3rd born in my family who cause a wreck at age 18

Zeron: finacially*

Zeron: i had several cases of suicide attemps

Zeron: to sum it up

Zeron: my life is pretty much fucked up

Zeron: ever since i was born

Zeron: these invisible scars that run down my body cant be seen by any normal person

Zeron: the only person who can see it...is sadly myself

Zeron: that is also for your family to read

Zeron: oh the joy

….I don’t want to say anymore

//Zeron